The Hidden Cause of Holiday Overwhelm

As we move into the holiday season, overwhelm rises everywhere — too many commitments, complex family dynamics, financial strain, and the pressure to create a “perfect” Christmas.

It all feels so obviously caused by life.

But here’s something years of Emotional Repression Inquiry (the work I do with clients to dissolve repressed emotions) has shown me again and again:

Overwhelm doesn’t come from your circumstances — it comes from what your body is still holding.

If I’m longing for presence, I’m already in survival mode.
Presence is my natural state.
And it never comes from more time, a different environment, or a clear calendar.

It only emerges when I stop unconsciously escaping what I’m feeling in any given moment by believing something needs to be different.

Overwhelm is never random — it’s created by the emotional repression we’re not aware of.

This is especially clear during the holidays, when our repressed hurt and anger bump up against old expectations, childhood roles, and pressure to perform.

But I see the same mechanism in a very different group of people:

helpers, therapists, space-holders, coaches.

Last week alone, I heard several variations of: “Holding space all day is exhausting.”

But sitting with someone’s intensity doesn’t inherently drain us.

Presence itself is effortless. Witnessing is not exhausting.

So what is draining us?

Holding space for others becomes draining when it meets unconscious unmet needs from childhood — validation, acknowledgment, love — needs we still unconsciously chase because we can’t access, feel, or express the emotions we had to bury when those needs first went unmet.

Yes, that’s a mouthful. You can read it again.

When we can’t feel or express the hurt or anger we buried when those needs weren’t met, we unconsciously chase the payoff through identities like helper, healer, coach, or caretaker.

It looks noble on the surface.

Inside, it’s a pain-pleasure rollercoaster.

We get the validation hit — then the crash.

Then exhaustion.

Then burnout.

And meanwhile, our own hurt or anger remains buried, just as it was in childhood.

Presence isn’t something you give.

It’s who you are when nothing inside you is being avoided.

There is no blame here. We’ve all been steeped in the cultural story of “give and take” — the idea that presence is something we give, something that costs us. But real presence can’t be measured in hours, emotional labor, or how much intensity we can “hold.” Presence is not time.

When we confuse the two, being with ourselves or others starts to feel like a tax instead of the most natural thing in the world.

If presence feels like effort, if keeping your heart open feels like a chore, your body is telling you something.

Try a few reverse inquiries and feel what moves:

• I don’t need to hold space.
• I don’t need to be overwhelmed.
• It’s safe to relax and do nothing at all.

If your body tightens, flinches, pulls back — that’s the doorway into the mechanism creating your overwhelm.

If you want to understand how reverse inquiry reveals the body’s truth, you’ll receive a full booklet on Day 2 when you join my newsletter.

Stepping into Rest

As December gets busier for my family and we prepare for travel, I’m pausing my regular blogs until the new year.

I’m tuning into my body, making space for new projects (can’t wait to share them with you), and practicing the simplest — and hardest — skill for anyone recovering from hurt repression:

relaxing fully.

A skill that’s learnable at any age.