The Myth about our Need to be Kind, Loving, Forgiving and Compassionate


In the past weeks, I received a few questions from somatic inquiry practitioners, members of the NRFS Members Area ( wondering if it would be helpful to combine KI repression self-inquiry with other practices, e.g., a forgiveness practice like Ho’oponopono or a loving kindness meditation, so I wanted to share my experience here as it may support others as well.

I have never followed any particular non-duality teachers, but I had my own kind of seeking, to get rid of the relentless and debilitating chronic pain, learn to relate better to other humans, to escape The Great Numbness, to feel more grateful, compassionate etc. To become a better human being who deserves the right to be here, so I thought. As a result, throughout the years I have soothed myself with ACIM, positive psychology, Buddhist psychology, prayer, visualizations and a variety of gratitude practices, loving kindness meditations, (self-)compassion practices, hypnoses, cacao ceremonies, and forgiveness exercises like Ho’oponopono.

There is nothing wrong with any of these practices, and in fact they can be quite beautiful. However, like anything else that we can use or binge on to avoid feeling our feelings, also these practices can be employed by our survival programming to keep us away from accessing, feeling and expressing our primary repression.

Just to be clear, none of this happens consciously! I had no idea at the time that I was using these practices to bypass buried feelings; this unconscious programming got only revealed by doing somatic inquiry using the Kiloby Inquiries.

With the tools of Natural Recovery from Suffering you learn to access that information that is stored in the body. This programming is unconscious until you get skilled in inquiry.

I am sharing here a few obvious examples of where my programming used these practices as a weapon to stay in repression …

One of my favourite lessons in ACIM used to be lesson 212 “I am not a body, I am free, for I am still as God created me.” No further comment is needed, I think. What a perfect lullaby for a survival programming geared to keeping you away from feeling anything.

Also, the Ho’oponopono practice was right up my repression programming’s alley, especially since it felt so empowering to take 100% responsibility for anything showing up in my life. A perfect excuse not to express anger, fear and hurt; believing that my unprocessed stuff must cause all the difficulties in relationships in my life and not taking it further into expression. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Since doing KI for a few years now, I have not felt drawn anymore to any of these practices as emotions which I have felt lacking in the past, have been emerging naturally through this work, and the need to be a better human has fallen away.

The need to be more loving, kind, gentle, compassionate, and forgiving is driven by the need to keep us from accessing our buried emotions. 

Through accessing, feeling and expressing those buried emotions, we recognize that the nature of our being is already all of it, and the need for practices has fallen away and we are free to do any of those practices, or none.

Anyway, after receiving those questions, I tried some inquiries, that you may want to play with as well:

  • I don’t need to forgive them/myself
  • I don’t have to be grateful
  • I am perfect as I am
  • I don’t need to be positive
  • I don’t need to be kind (or loving for that matter)
  • I don’t have to be compassionate.

Feel into the body for any somatic response to any of these inquiries: a contraction, a sensation, tingling or yawning …  If so, and you may want to explore Natural Recovery from Suffering and the Kiloby Inquiries. You can start by taking a somatic repression test here:


ps: I attached a picture of an angel here … imagining me living in a different world, being protected and loved by angels has been one of my longest life-long innocent ways of avoiding the deep hurt, fear and anger I wasn’t able to feel or express as a child. I still love angels, but I don’t need them anymore to avoid feeling. 💗